THE FINAL EXAM


INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question thoroughly. Answer all questions. 
              Time limit - four hours. Begin immediately.


HISTORY: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the 
present day, concentrating specially, but not exclusively on the social, 
political, economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, 
America, and Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.

LITERATURE: Compose an epic poem based on the events in your own 
life in which you see and footnote allusions from T.S. Eliot, Keats, 
Chaucer, Dante, Norse mythology and the Marx Brothers. Critique your 
poem with a full discussion of its metrics.

MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate it and perform it with flute 
and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

LOGIC: Using accepted methodology prove all four of the following: That 
the universe is infinite; that truth is beauty; that there is not a little 
person who turns off the light in the refrigerator when you close the 
door, and that you are the person taking the exam. Now disprove all of 
the above. Be specific; show all work.

PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its 
significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of 
thought.

MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade,a piece of gauze, 
and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your own appendix. Do not suture until 
your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human 
culture if this form of life had developed five hundred years earlier, 
with special attention to the probable effects on the English 
Parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

PSYCHOLOGY: Employing principles from the major schools of 
psychoanalytic thought, successfully subject yourself to analysis, Make 
appropriate personality changes, bill yourself, and fill out all medical 
insurance forms. Now do the same to the person seated on your 
immediate left.

SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems that might accompany 
the end of the world. Show how boy meets girl theory developed. 
Construct an experiment to test your theory.

MECHANICS: You will find in a box in front of you, the disassembled 
pieces of a high-powered hunting rifle and one bullet. In five minutes, a 
hungry Bengal tiger will be released into the room. Take whatever steps 
you feel necessary to relieve the threat.

ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. 
Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, 
The Donatist controversy, the wave theory of light. Outline a method 
from all points of view. Point out deficiencies in your point of view as 
demonstrated in your answer to the last question.

COMPUTER SCIENCE: Define computer. Define science. How do they 
relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all computer 
decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each 
terminal to activate your algorithm, design the communications 
interface and all the necessary control programs.

PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot crazed students are storming the 
classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin 
or Greek.

PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in you answer an 
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

AGRICULTURAL SCIENCE: Outline the steps involved in breeding your 
own high yield, all weather hybrid strain of wheat. Describe its chemical 
and physical properties and estimate its significance on world food 
supplies. Construct a model for dealing with world wide surpluses. 
Write you Nobel Prize acceptance speech.

POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the desk behind you. 
Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

EXTRA CREDIT: Give today's date - in metric.